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Writer's pictureEd Preato

Divorce in LGBTQ+ Marriages: The Same, Yet Different


same sex divorce graphic

In 2011, New York State became one of the earliest states to legalize same-sex marriage. This milestone was followed by the landmark 2015 Supreme Court decision, Obergefell v. Hodges, which extended marriage equality to LGBTQ+ couples across the United States. This ruling granted same-sex couples all the legal rights and responsibilities previously reserved for heterosexual marriages.


With marriage equality came similar pressures experienced in any marriage, such as financial stress, career considerations, family dynamics, and the complexities of raising children. However, LGBTQ+ marriages also face additional societal pressures, adding unique stressors to relationships. As with any community, divorce is a reality for some couples.


Regardless of whether a divorce proceeds through mediation or litigation, certain fundamental issues must be addressed: custody and parenting plans, spousal support, division of assets, and equitable distribution. Yet, LGBTQ+ divorces can introduce additional complexities that require careful consideration.


Unique Challenges in LGBTQ+ Divorces


One such complexity arises from the fact that many LGBTQ+ couples were in committed relationships long before the law recognized their marriages. This raises questions about when the "marriage" officially began. Was it in 1995 when a couple first began cohabitating, in 2011 when New York legalized same-sex marriage, or in 2015 after the Supreme Court ruling? The answer to this question can significantly impact spousal support, division of marital property, and retirement benefits. Deciding the "start date" of a marriage can be contentious—should it be determined by the couple, or left to a judge?


Children and Legal Parentage


Another significant issue in LGBTQ+ divorces is parentage and custody of children. Questions about legal parentage, custody, and child support can be complex due to the relatively new case law on these matters. Is one parent the biological parent? Did the non-biological parent legally adopt the child? How long has each parent been involved in a parental role? These factors can affect custody decisions, parenting plans, and child support obligations. The evolving legal landscape complicates these decisions, potentially impacting the relationship between parents and children post-divorce.


The Benefits of Mediation


LGBTQ+ divorce cases that go to litigation can be unpredictable due to varying attitudes toward same-sex marriage across different states, districts, and judges. This unpredictability is why many in the LGBTQ+ community might benefit more from mediation, which minimizes the risk of encountering a court or judge with biases against LGBTQ+ individuals. Mediation allows the divorcing couple to retain control over decision-making, avoiding the potential for adverse outcomes in a court setting.


Ultimately, LGBTQ+ divorces can be as complex as any other divorce, but they also present unique challenges requiring sensitivity and understanding. By recognizing these distinct issues, LGBTQ+ couples can navigate the divorce process more effectively, ensuring fair outcomes for all parties involved.

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