A House Divided: Deciding Who Gets What When You Get Divorced

When a couple decides to divorce, many important decisions need to be made. They must address financial issues, make arrangements for their children, and determine what to do with the family home and pets. While these are significant decisions, it is often the smaller decisions that lead to contention.

Where Do We Begin?

Deciding who keeps the comfortable couch or the big-screen television can escalate into a heated argument, but it doesn’t have to. A practical approach is to create a comprehensive inventory of everything you jointly own. This should include vehicles, furniture, tools, appliances, and decorative items. Don’t forget to include items in the basement, attic, shed, or other storage spaces. To simplify the process, try to group related items together, such as a bedroom set or a dining table with chairs. Then follow these steps:

1. Assign a Value to Each Item:  Estimate the current market value of each item, considering what it is worth today rather than at the time of purchase. For larger items, such as furniture and appliances, check the resale market on platforms like Facebook Marketplace or eBay for comparable prices. For high-end items like art and collectibles, it might be wise to hire a professional appraiser to determine their value in the current market.

2. Negotiate: Although this may seem tedious, it's necessary to discuss who will keep each item based on need, preference, or sentimental value. You can take turns selecting items (flip a coin to decide who goes first) or each choose an item of similar value until the list is exhausted. If one party strongly desires a high-value item, consider trading it for several other choices of lower value. If neither party wants an item, agree to donate it or sell it and split the proceeds.

3. Take Notes: As you review the list, which will require time, patience, and cooperation, document every decision so you have a record of what each party will receive. Additionally, agree on a date for removing the items from the house to prevent future disagreements about what was decided and when each item will be taken away.

As you compile your itemized list, keep the following considerations in mind:

Do I Really Need That Lamp?

When dividing a home that took years to create, letting go of items can be challenging. Emotional attachments to possessions can complicate the process, especially when one or both partners may be moving to a smaller home or apartment. Therefore, as you make decisions, ask yourself:

• Do I need this item?

• Will I have room for it in my new home?

• Do I truly value this item, or is it simply a desire to prevent my partner from having it?

• Is this item worth the conflict?

For instance, while a painting may look lovely in your current home, ask whether it will fit in your future space. If the other party desires an item, consider whether it is easily replaceable. If so, ask yourself if the fight for it is worthwhile.

Don’t Be Greedy

Avoid insisting on keeping all the pots and pans if cooking is not your passion. Keep only what you need to prepare meals and allow the other party to do the same. For valuable items like a stand mixer, let the person who enjoys cooking keep it. Similarly, if your former spouse loves gardening, resist the urge to claim all the gardening tools if you do not plan to use them. Approach these decisions practically and with emotional detachment—retain what you realistically need and will use. This will help ease the division of household items.

Where Did The Toaster Go?

If you discover an overlooked item, discuss it with the other party before taking it. While personal items such as winter hats or old boots are yours to keep, avoid taking items that you know the other party will miss without mutual agreement. Maintaining common decency is essential: if you know your partner enjoys a glass of wine in the evening, don’t sneak away with the corkscrew. Most small household items are easily replaceable, and the emotional energy saved by avoiding potential conflicts is often more valuable than the item itself.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, while it might seem daunting, dividing possessions does not have to lead to fights, or worse, court intervention. Keep the smaller decisions in perspective and focus your energy on the more important aspects of moving forward.